Winter 2010 NEWS, EVENTS and MUSINGS

Five More Minutes........
November 28, - I'm sorry. The server has a new IP address. I am not sure what it is right now, so the blog is not available. I'll try to have it up by the beginning of the work week. So, for now, here's a little news.

We are well. Everyone is healthy, myself included. My A1C is a new low (that's good!) at 4.8 and I am feeling pretty well. The neurosurgeon said "I don't get to say this very often, but I'm calling you cured." The kids are all good and life is fine.... except it's not really, is it? Not, not exactly. You see, I'm still in love with my wife.

I've been trying to stay busy. Everyone said "stay busy." I may have stayed a little too busy. I got off track in there and didn't finish my grieving process. I didn't wait twelve months before making big life changes and so I've hurt others at the same time. That was a very human thing to do, so I forgive me, but in the process I got pretty angry. I also got bitchy, and maybe a little mean. I just want Bobbi back, you see?

Someone asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said "five more minutes." Of course, not if she was in pain, but I would love 5 more minutes to tell her how much I love her, how glad I was she found me and I found her, 5 more minute to tell her she is the love of my life. So I'm a little bit upset- I mean, we had a deal. Not just she and I, but life and the world (and God, maybe, so I'm told). You do right, you keep the faith and you get rewarded, right? That's the deal. Well, life had reneged and I'm pretty pissed off about it. Human? You bet. So, It hit me this week as I was lashing out at yet another innocent person that I had to stop, regroup, and finish what I need to do. It sucks, but that's the deal, right? Maybe it's a good sign that I figured this all out. I'd like to do it without holding a pity party for myself, but I may fail at that, too. Anyway, it's good to have an idea what needs to happen. I have to let her go. I don't think I need to understand why I don't want to......

I suppose it's another chance for growth, right? The heck of it I was just getting good at being me- Hugh, Bobbi's husband. Now I have to die too, a little, and become the new Hugh. Heck- I was just getting good at the old Hugh.... Maybe I'm afraid I won't like the "new Hugh". Shut up, Lambert, suck it up and move on- nobody likes a whiner. So, that's what's happening here. I'm trying. I can't believe it's been two years.

How was your holiday?

Peace, out.

Page updated November 28, 2010. For more information or to send us photos please contact the webmaster